Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Ask and you shall receive...I did ask and got something I didn't expect!
If my kids ask me for anything, I usually give it to them. If they ask me for twelve cookies before dinner, I refuse. Yet, if they eat a good dinner I usually let them have their little sweeties. I am a sucker. I LOVE giving my kids what they want, ESPECIALLY if it's a thing that will aid them in their growth and strengthening of character and heart. I am recently realizing that God is no different.
Matthew 21: 22 says "And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith." Also: Luke 11: 9-13 says "And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For EVERYONE who asks receives, and to the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"
Ok. I keep my quiet time to my quiet self. It is a place where Jesus and I meet, and it is sweet. Sometimes it is challenging. The things I "ask" are between me and my Lord. Yet, every once in a while I am compelled to share. This is one of those times. I have been asking, lately, for some kind of DIRECTION from God. I have chosen to believe his word, that he will provide an answer. It just hasn't come yet...much like when my kids ask if they can start their own pillow store, or can they get a dog, or can they become a spy...hmmmm. I realize that some requests must wait until they mature, grow in character, grow in life experiences. I know that is how God answers me, sometimes it's yes, sometimes it's WAIT (he sees a MUCH bigger picture than I do), sometimes it's no (like my kids wanting 12 cookies before dinner, they don't understand that their bellies will be full and they will have a sugar-high that lasts two days). There must be a certain element of TRUST in this process (just like my kids have to trust my answers). SO...I have asking God to give me SIGN, send me a LETTER, give someone a WORD to give me (where ARE you Jeremiah? I would even take a message like...REPENT, or you will be taken captive!). Something...is there a pulse out there???? I need some guidance in this VERY busy, very distracted, busy, challenging life in which I am in the MIDDLE. I have been looking for an anchor. Jesus said, ask, believe and I will receive the Holy Spirit...the voice of God...who wouldn't want that?
Here is what I got...as clear as a bell and as loud as a train passing by. How do I know, you may ask? I just know. It's like practicing an instrument, or learning a craft, or doing homework...you get into a rhythm and you know when you are on the right track. You just know. I have been basking in the presence of my Jesus for a number of months now (not because I am some holy-roller, but because it has become the source of all good for my day...it has become addictive). I have read what I am about to share a zillion times. This time, the heart of God really made itself known:
Matthew 25: 33-36 (this is one of many passages when Jesus is talking about the "final judgement", a day when all people from all nations will be held accountable for their actions or inactions. This is one of MANY passages that lay out the bigger picture of life...what we chose to believe or not believe...)
"And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left. Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.'"
What!?!?!? How is this an answer, God? Well, as I pondered this I realized a few things. First of all, doing nice things for people isn't going to SAVE anyone. One needs to be spiritually reborn from sin and death to life through the blood of Jesus Christ. This is not popular, I realize. I didn't set it up, it's just the way God decided to answer the dilemma of this creation falling from glory to satan's hand. Secondly, God, in his loving way, was saying to me: "Rebecca, I have given you so many blessings because I love you. You are my precious child. You have asked me to guide you, to keep your heart soft, to show you where I want you to go. Now, it's time to be a servant". God showed me this in Matthew 20: 26 (this is Jesus' answer to the mother of two of his disciples who wanted her boys to have a special place in heaven...what mother WOULDN'T want something special for her boys???)
"...But whoever would be great among you must be your SERVANT, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man (Jesus himself, who came down from heaven in the form of a baby to a stinky barn in Bethlehem...accesible to ALL who would seek him) came not to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many."
All Jesus did, for the three years of his ministry, until he was crucified, was to SERVE people. He expected nothing. He felt entitled to nothing. He spent his time being crushed by crowds of poor, sick, stinky (as I am sure people with leprosy don't smell too good), demon-possesed, blind, bleeding people. He spent days, without eating, telling people all that God wanted them to know, and they must have loved hearing it because thousands and thousands of people hung around listening to him OUTSIDE without food or water (when was the last time I felt motivated to ANYTHING for a few days in the heat without food or water...they were in the middle east, remember). He KNEW that the heart of God, a LOVING, merciful, patient, kind heart, would best be experienced through his HELPING and serving people. NOT just saying, "ah, yes, I am so sorry about your problems...may God bless you". He got his hands dirty. He sacrificed his time. He sacrificed sleep. He hung out with all the "sinners" that no other religious people would tolerate. He didn't just hang out with them, he healed them, forgave them, gave them a NEW LIFE, a taste of heaven on earth. He didn't just keep company with the popular guys, or the people who thought he was cool, or the people who GOT him. He was willing to be misunderstood because he knew that the people who needed him would see him for who he IS and that they would see his FATHER in him... That is what he wanted me to know today.
Who am I paying attention to around me? Do I know my neighbors? Am I making the most of where I am, and asking God--by his Holy Spirit---to show me who needs love and service around me? Am I REALLY acting like God's hands and helper to those who are suffering around me? Getting involved with people is really messy sometimes. It's inconvenient, it's time-consuming, it takes away from what I thing I NEED to do. Yet, God has just shown me that my time here on earth is VERY short (all things considered) and when I am standing before the THRONE on judgement day will I see the ways that I SHOWED people God's love...not just how I TALKED about it. My next prayer is asking for the strength and faith to do what God has shown me. AMEN.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
The joy of trial and error, the reward of taking chances! OR...am I just crazy?
If you could hit a "re-do" key and erase the last 15 or so years, would you? Maybe you just want to cut and paste sections of the last 15 years. We all have things in our past that we would want to change. Yet, as difficult as those choices, memories, mistakes were they do make us who we are today. They are the chapters in our book, the threads that make our tapestry, the reeds that are our basket. Looking behind you in regret serves no purpose. Looking back and seeking God's wisdom about how to do things differently is good.
Once I was diagnosed with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) (see the past post about it, if you want the whole story), I began taking medication (after MUCH deliberation, challenge, sadness that I potentially needed medication). For the last year I have taken Adderall. A very low dose, but enough to completely change my world. My brain actually WORKS! Until you go from having a VERY challenged brain function (focusing on tasks, completing, not melting down emotionally when having to have a serious talk, etc...) you would not know the amazing sense of new life as a result of a re-wire. Naturally, I have to fight back the beast of "what if". For a short while I wanted to hit the "re-do" button and see what decisions were really ME and what decisions were a result of my faulty brain functionality. I will never know. That is hard. I have really struggled for many years to find a path, to stick to anything, to follow through with what I said I will do. For so long I felt a little crazy in my head, all the while trying to show- on the outside-various versions of me that would NOT betray my true inner "self".
Now it is time to cling to one of my favorite scriptures: "For you formed my inward parts, you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made...Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them" (Psalm 139: 14, 16).
This is not a theological debate about predestination. I am not that sharp. It is, however, one of many reminders that no one knows us better than our loving creator, God the Father. Not our parents, our spouses, our children, our best friends...no one. He knows what we are good at and how we can most bless and love others because HE made those qualities in us. Sometimes we bump around and fall in the process of discovering those things. God promises us "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28). There are many choices WE make in our lives as a result of FREE WILL. God is not a puppeteer. So, we can look back and regret and regret. We could get hard-hearted about how difficult various things in our lives have been (we ALL have a story of challenge and pain). OR, we can keep learning in humility, and believe the Romans 8:28 promise that God will work things out.
Adderall has given me a new pair of glasses to view my lessons through. It hasn't solved my soul issues. I still embark on goofy and creative tangents: writing a book (started about 6 months ago), starting my new Know Your Meat- Jerky Direct business (shameless plug here-http://knowyourmeat.jerkydirect.com/), auditioning for The Voice (twice), being indecisive about homeschooling or sending my kids to school...blah blah blah. The list goes on. I am now working on accepting that aspects of these goofy things are JUST what God made me to be and He will keep guiding me and helping know HOW to bless others and how to use them to God's glory (which is kind of up to God anyway). If you are struggling with your past, or who you are now, just ask God. There is no magic trick, or catchy phrase, or anything specific to say. He welcomes humbled hearts with the warmest of embraces and love.
Once I was diagnosed with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) (see the past post about it, if you want the whole story), I began taking medication (after MUCH deliberation, challenge, sadness that I potentially needed medication). For the last year I have taken Adderall. A very low dose, but enough to completely change my world. My brain actually WORKS! Until you go from having a VERY challenged brain function (focusing on tasks, completing, not melting down emotionally when having to have a serious talk, etc...) you would not know the amazing sense of new life as a result of a re-wire. Naturally, I have to fight back the beast of "what if". For a short while I wanted to hit the "re-do" button and see what decisions were really ME and what decisions were a result of my faulty brain functionality. I will never know. That is hard. I have really struggled for many years to find a path, to stick to anything, to follow through with what I said I will do. For so long I felt a little crazy in my head, all the while trying to show- on the outside-various versions of me that would NOT betray my true inner "self".
Now it is time to cling to one of my favorite scriptures: "For you formed my inward parts, you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made...Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them" (Psalm 139: 14, 16).
This is not a theological debate about predestination. I am not that sharp. It is, however, one of many reminders that no one knows us better than our loving creator, God the Father. Not our parents, our spouses, our children, our best friends...no one. He knows what we are good at and how we can most bless and love others because HE made those qualities in us. Sometimes we bump around and fall in the process of discovering those things. God promises us "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28). There are many choices WE make in our lives as a result of FREE WILL. God is not a puppeteer. So, we can look back and regret and regret. We could get hard-hearted about how difficult various things in our lives have been (we ALL have a story of challenge and pain). OR, we can keep learning in humility, and believe the Romans 8:28 promise that God will work things out.
Adderall has given me a new pair of glasses to view my lessons through. It hasn't solved my soul issues. I still embark on goofy and creative tangents: writing a book (started about 6 months ago), starting my new Know Your Meat- Jerky Direct business (shameless plug here-http://knowyourmeat.jerkydirect.com/), auditioning for The Voice (twice), being indecisive about homeschooling or sending my kids to school...blah blah blah. The list goes on. I am now working on accepting that aspects of these goofy things are JUST what God made me to be and He will keep guiding me and helping know HOW to bless others and how to use them to God's glory (which is kind of up to God anyway). If you are struggling with your past, or who you are now, just ask God. There is no magic trick, or catchy phrase, or anything specific to say. He welcomes humbled hearts with the warmest of embraces and love.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Today I realized that I really am a singer.
I have always struggled with knowing "who" I am. A career path was never my goal. Being a parent was never my goal. Being an athlete was never my goal. Part of my ADD-ness, I now clearly see, was the fact that I couldn't focus on any particular passion, skill, or goal. That reality is evident by the various jobs I have had: pet store worker, cucumber picker, intern for a public defender (interviewing incarcerated clients), intern for an aquarium (Mystic Aquarium), Whole Foods (yes, THAT Whole Foods) cashier, Dr. Hauschka (organic skin care line) customer service, Dr. Hauschka retail store trainer, customer service trainer for RICOH (a copier company), a credit company (Experian) account manager, Mary Kay, Send Out Cards...blah-dah-dee-dah dah, dee dah! I shall NOT even get into the sick reality of the borderline psychotic number of relationships, heart-breaks, and heart-breaking I have participated in. There is a neurotic map of extra-curricular activities that wooed me: ballet, soccer, lacrosse, skiing, sailing team, musicals, theater, Native American Association, AIDS volunteer training, volunteer dog walker for a pound, various auditions for reality shows...oh, how the list goes on (embarrassingly). POINT IS...I have been a feather in the wind, landing nowhere.
The only consistent thing (since I was about 5 years old wailing verses and choruses from "Annie" while standing on our couch) in my life has been singing. I can't say "music" has been consistent (I never practiced ANY of the instruments placed in my hands since I was 10), just SINGING.
This may not seem like a big deal to any of you. Perhaps you haven't struggled with purpose, goals, convictions, motivation, etc. If that is your case, you are very lucky. For those of us who have experienced life as a river in which we are swimming UP STREAM, the mechanics of daily existence can be challenging. Establishing a course in the "big picture" can be downright nighmare-ish.
So, here I am, at 40 years old, and for the first time I am realizing that the ONE thing I have done and loved consistently is actually something that defines me. I am a singer! No, I have not attended college for it, or had a 9-5 "time clock" job in it. Yet, for the past 35 years it has been the one area of success, growth, challenge, and love of my life.
Yesterday, on a whim, I decided to put together a portfolio of the songs on which I got to sing. The end goal of this whim is to put together a website with a future hope of...I guess I don't know. God knows, and I hope to get more opportunities as a result of this portfolio. What really amazed and humbled me, as I listened to the songs, was the sheer brilliance, talent, heart, and diversity of the artists with whom I have had the PLEASURE to sing background vocals on their projects. WOW. I am so grateful! I am also so very grateful that singing has been a LIFELINE for me. No, I don't sing endlessly wherever I go. When I sing, it is from the heart. I am blessed and my singing is a way to share that. My life has been a story of beauty from ashes, a bound and healing broken heart, an awe-struck child watching as her perfect Father works wondrous things that she doesn't always understand but catches glimpses and is amazed. The story, for me, is best expressed through the beauty of washy stacked ethereal harmonies. Beyonce or Adele, I am not. They have a mind-blowing melodic authority that demands attention and stops people in their tracks. Nevertheless, I am one cog out of many in a beautiful wheel of musical and artistic expression.
As foolish as this may sound (especially to those who have known me for a while), for the first time ever, I finally realize that I am a singer. It is my gift, my pleasure, and my job to share what I have done and will do. I am also a mother (much to my surprise, I am enjoying that job too!), a wife, a friend, a daughter, a teacher, a follower, a bit of an eccentric, a little unique, a tad geeky, a child of God. In addition to those things, today I realized that singing has been the thread holding me to this quilt of life. Hooray! I plan on celebrating that.
I will be (perhaps annoyingly) sharing some of the songs I have been a part of. Most of my love for singing is at it's height when I am in the studio, recording. Recording allows the artist to really go with the flow and get it right. Live performing is stressful for me. A studio is a place of safety for me, it allows my heart to open up and really connect to the music. I look forward to more opportunities to sing, but for now I will share what I have already done.
Blessings to you all, and may you find what makes your heart come alive!
The only consistent thing (since I was about 5 years old wailing verses and choruses from "Annie" while standing on our couch) in my life has been singing. I can't say "music" has been consistent (I never practiced ANY of the instruments placed in my hands since I was 10), just SINGING.
This may not seem like a big deal to any of you. Perhaps you haven't struggled with purpose, goals, convictions, motivation, etc. If that is your case, you are very lucky. For those of us who have experienced life as a river in which we are swimming UP STREAM, the mechanics of daily existence can be challenging. Establishing a course in the "big picture" can be downright nighmare-ish.
So, here I am, at 40 years old, and for the first time I am realizing that the ONE thing I have done and loved consistently is actually something that defines me. I am a singer! No, I have not attended college for it, or had a 9-5 "time clock" job in it. Yet, for the past 35 years it has been the one area of success, growth, challenge, and love of my life.
Yesterday, on a whim, I decided to put together a portfolio of the songs on which I got to sing. The end goal of this whim is to put together a website with a future hope of...I guess I don't know. God knows, and I hope to get more opportunities as a result of this portfolio. What really amazed and humbled me, as I listened to the songs, was the sheer brilliance, talent, heart, and diversity of the artists with whom I have had the PLEASURE to sing background vocals on their projects. WOW. I am so grateful! I am also so very grateful that singing has been a LIFELINE for me. No, I don't sing endlessly wherever I go. When I sing, it is from the heart. I am blessed and my singing is a way to share that. My life has been a story of beauty from ashes, a bound and healing broken heart, an awe-struck child watching as her perfect Father works wondrous things that she doesn't always understand but catches glimpses and is amazed. The story, for me, is best expressed through the beauty of washy stacked ethereal harmonies. Beyonce or Adele, I am not. They have a mind-blowing melodic authority that demands attention and stops people in their tracks. Nevertheless, I am one cog out of many in a beautiful wheel of musical and artistic expression.
As foolish as this may sound (especially to those who have known me for a while), for the first time ever, I finally realize that I am a singer. It is my gift, my pleasure, and my job to share what I have done and will do. I am also a mother (much to my surprise, I am enjoying that job too!), a wife, a friend, a daughter, a teacher, a follower, a bit of an eccentric, a little unique, a tad geeky, a child of God. In addition to those things, today I realized that singing has been the thread holding me to this quilt of life. Hooray! I plan on celebrating that.
I will be (perhaps annoyingly) sharing some of the songs I have been a part of. Most of my love for singing is at it's height when I am in the studio, recording. Recording allows the artist to really go with the flow and get it right. Live performing is stressful for me. A studio is a place of safety for me, it allows my heart to open up and really connect to the music. I look forward to more opportunities to sing, but for now I will share what I have already done.
Blessings to you all, and may you find what makes your heart come alive!
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