WHEN YOUR MASSAGE THERAPIST PUTS ON A RUBBER GLOVE

Go ahead and open up, I'm just gonna reach in... 

Said a message therapist to me as I attempted to remain calm and tranquil on his massage TABLE. It's not a BED, it's a TABLE. Never call a massage therapist's table a BED.  It's awkward. "Yes, welcome to my lair...I mean...my massage room". Yeah, no. 

This particular massage therapist specializes in more of the clinical aspects of massage. He CAN, as he refers to it, "fluff and buff", but he's more clinical than emotional. I have a great friend who is a brilliant massage therapist but dueling schedules (we both have three kids and I'm OFTEN not available during weekdays, when she is available) resulted in an urgent last-minute search for a substitute. Thus, my introduction to Mr. Clinical. I digress.

When Mr. Clinical mentioned that he could do some kind of cranial inter-oral manipulation technique thingy, I didn't think too much of it. Sure. Why not? I'm an adventurer by nature, curious to a fault. So when he opened a cabinet and pulled out a pair of rubber gloves my mind went a wee bit whirly. "Wait",  I said, "are you massaging INSIDE my mouth"? "Yes I am", he answered, without missing a beat.

I don't know about you, but there are very few individuals who I have granted the privilege to get inside my mouth. If you twisted that statement, it's on you. Seriously. My dentist, who has EARNED my trust and the right to be near my incisors, and my babies. When they were babies. You know...when babies grab the corner of your mouth like a fish hook. It's darling, when it's your BABY. Not even my husband peers inside my mouth.

With rubber gloves on and a mighty extended finger awaiting, I thought to myself "what the heck, I wonder what's going to happen next" and opened wide. 

Indeed, that massage therapist worked some muscle relaxation madness. Who knew? 

All was going swimmingly until I caught a glimpse of this massage TABLE scene from the outside looking in. I don't mean catching a reflexion in a mirror. I mean in my mind's eye. That happens to me, a lot. 

I have a ridiculous tendency and compulsion to find humor in awkward situations. Such was the situation and I was the protagonist of my own comedy. Through contorted lips and cheek, and massage-oiled double chin, I caught the silliness of the moment and laughed. I tried really hard to NOT LAUGH. Have you ever laughed at the dentist with those sucky hoses and clamps all stuck in your mouth? Once you start, it's very difficult to stop. It feeds itself. 

Unfortunately, I bit his finger, mid-laugh, just a teeeeeenie bit. He didn't seem to mind too much.

Good times, Mr. Clinical. Good times.

PS...no fingers were harmed in the writing of this blog. Many thanks to SFX makeup, morticians wax, and skin illustrator for the very HORRIFIC rotting finger effect.

YOU DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO

Friends.

We live in a very BUSY world. Busy, busy, busy is how most of us would describe our lives. Busy with a side dish of GUILT.

Do you ever have this stream of self speak:
"I'm the WORST parent, I really must spend more time with my family, I can't get it all done, my house is a mess, I don't see my friends, we eat out too much, I don't spend enough time on my spirituality..." The list goes on.

My daily self-talk involves one or more of the above snippets. My family, at the moment, is juggling pre-closing (on our new house) mortgage nonsense, three kids with sports (three kids times two lessons each...minus one because one child only has one lesson...equals FIVE after-school lessons per week), planning construction/painting/etc for said new house, school projects, volunteering, planning an overseas trip, GRADUATE SCHOOL WORK (which usually gets the shaft until last-minute as a result of everything else), and trying to keep my house from looking like an insane asylum. I fear the above-list is similar to MOST of the people I know and love.

I have an encouragement for you. There IS a profound attack on the quality of our lives. It's not your imagination. Still, there is hope. The hope rests in grace and mercy. This is a VERY difficult concept for the Type-A-ers among us.

How does this translate into every day living? Here are some ideas:

1. KNOW THYSELF. Know what recharges you and shamelessly schedule a one a week refill. For moms, this is difficult. Don't feel guilty. MOST husbands/wives will get it, IF you communicate with him or her that you need a time alone. I repeat, DON'T FEEL GUILTY. A happy mom/dad is a happy family.

2. KNOW OTHERS. If you know that something recharges your loved ones, ALLOW them to recharge. For example, if your husband (or wife) needs to do something you wouldn't do (ride a motorcycle, go hiking, buy something...reasonable that won't put you in the poor house, have mercy and let them recharge with freedom.

3. LEARN THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES: There is a book called "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It is a GREAT foundation of understanding that, most likely, the people in our immediate circle all refill their drained tanks in different ways. If you take stock on what fills your loved ones up then you won't waste the precious time you have with them. A little investment in loving others according to their needs goes a LONG LONG way.

4. TRY to slow down. Most likely things aren't as urgent as they feel. There is NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT. Take a breath. IF you can't slow down in the immediate, aim for slowing in the near future.

There is a season for everything. Things come and go. There is nothing new under the sun. The world will keep turning if we aren't the best and most potent versions of ourselves. Just remember to hug our family and friends. Say something kind to someone today. LOVE remains.